Censorship and Authenticity

As I’ve decided it would be nice to write more, for myself and others I have thought up so many topics and themes I’d like to write about. Spirituality, creativity, parenting and more.

As I sit down to write it seems to help me draw together threads in my life and make sense of things.

But, as I write I notice a loud voice of censorship (not my own) that booms from inside my head.

“Don’t write about your history of mental illness. People won’t like you or trust you. You AREN’T trustworthy.”

“Don’t write about your spiritual studies. People will think your strange. You ARE strange.”

“Don’t write about your parenting struggles. People will think you are a bad mum. You ARE a bad mum”

When I made a commitment 18 years ago to devote myself to artistic endeavours, I simultaneously had to sacrifice caring what other people think of me.

When I say to myself “Something is wrong with this I need to hide it” In the same breath what I am saying is “Other people need to hide themselves from me, because they aren’t acceptable” It’s a form of self hate, and therefore hate in general.

In attempting to hide your true self from others, you also hide from yourself.

In shamanic work they use the term “integration” when it comes to healing yourself. You take all the parts of yourself you tried to push away and welcome them into the whole.

I’ve also heard a yoga teacher talking about “orphans of the heart” Parts of ourselves that we neglect and reject.

How can I more wholly accept this life experience and everything I am handed? And how can I accept it with kindness?